If you’d like to jump straight to the closing thoughts of the 4 date stories —> Closing thoughts: 4 date stories.


I warn you - this is the longest story out of the four coming off with a 9,000+ word count so here’s a TLDR in case you’re not bothered enough to read my blabber.

If you’d still like to read on, here we go.

This is delayed. I released a version of this 3 months ago but quickly withdrew it. Cara didn’t like it and I don’t think it was fair to have a public version. Apologies to the (few) people who emailed me asking why the link to the essay wasn’t working. I was kinda fucked up by Cara’s reaction and I’m sorry I didn’t reply to those messages.

I’m releasing this a few months after because I already had 90% of the essay drafted and wanted to smash this out to reflect what I learned about myself. I really did like her. It is weird to write about someone who’s not in your life. The reality is I did want to keep her around in my life and it’s probably the reason why I put myself off finishing this. Given the amount of time that’s passed, I think it’s been a constructive reflection session. I’m a very imperfect human.