I met Lara a few days ago in Vienna so thought I'd add a short pt. 2 to the closing thoughts on these four-date stories.
I started writing these date stories because I wanted to remember the shitshow that is dating. When I'm older, I want to remember how late 20s Shre navigated my dating life. How being single was. I look at my grandparents and can't imagine them ever dating. Not to get ahead of myself but perhaps my grandchildren will view me in a similar way. I, at least, have these four women that I can recall vividly from 2021, thanks to the writing, even if my memory fades.
Looking back, the inspiration was meeting Cara and the reason was that I couldn't understand my emotions after meeting her. Writing has been incredibly helpful in understanding myself.
I met the four gals between May and December '21. Berlin gal was the first one I met (in May). Green saree gal was the last one I met (in December).
Writing Berlin gal was very helpful in processing my guilt and how sorry I was. You could argue (successfully) it was selfish. I wrote about her 9 months after I last saw her. She lingered on my mind a lot because I felt awful. Reflecting and putting those reflections into words made me realize how guilty and sorry I was. Two non-peasants who read it also convinced me to not reach out to her again and let it go. Thank you to Thenuka and Arushi.
Writing about Green saree gal was helpful so soon after things ended with her. When I think of her - I think of how nice it was to date someone from the same culture and how I wish I was sometimes, more forgiving.
Writing about Lara made me realize how I've grown in some ways with my year off. In particular, how I've become more direct and spontaneous. I wouldn't have anything to write about if it was still '20 Shre and every year of him before. She taught me it doesn't kill anyone to have a bit of optimism.
Writing about Cara made me realize so much about myself and how much I have yet to understand myself. Writing about her was incredibly helpful in understanding my emotions because I would argue for the vast majority of time with her, I couldn't understand them. I was so out of my depth and the few times I knew how much I felt, I was pretty immature and childish. She was also a trigger to process and realize things about myself. It's ironic that Cara was the inspiration to start writing these 4 stories because the piece I wrote about her was what ultimately led us to not being a part of each other's life.